Now I am about to finish the final draft of a book of poetry. My cat Earl Gray liked to stay there with me. I felt too exhausted. But looking at the book again, it is a very important personal project. I am an introspective person. I prefer to sit quietly and ponder on my work. He insists our work should not be moving in different directions. He insists our work should relate to each other. I wanted to destroy all my work.
Soon I couldn’t write. I couldn’t make anymore brush poems. I didn’t play any music. These are why I am exhausted. That brightened me considerably. My life has been like this since 2005. This was how I lost all my work in art, writing, research and traveling. Imeng expresses her admiration with an open heart. Later I got new bongos because I left mine in my mom’s house.
There were still difficult times but I thought things would get better with my husband. Yet things continued to get worse. I very much like to do that too. I do it and sometimes I get hurt because I don’t get positive feelings in return. I stopped doing any crochet and needlework sometime in January.
I get ignored sometimes. Perhaps people think I have too much ‘drama’ that gets in the way of their normal life. I have always had pain on the chest, neck and back, and sometimes in the stomach and head, and my arms would feel numb. Like what Imeng may have done for me.
Fatima Lasay, Quezon City
Monday, June 30, 2014