Now I am about to finish the final draft of a book of poetry. But it wasn’t a fish so it died. I read the letter she wrote to her husband before she drowned herself in the river. I miss the water now. I hear voices too, nearly all the time, sometimes I can’t sleep because of the voices. One afternoon I remember I was neck-deep in the water and the tide was coming in.
But looking at the book again, it is a very important personal project. My husband had swam away in the distance. It’s funny, night and day. I would surely drown. I prefer to swim when it is bright and sunny, then I wouldn’t feel cold. Luckily, eating has never been a problem for me. My breasts don’t hurt as much anymore. I have a voracious appetite.
These are why I am exhausted. So I get no positive feedback. So we’re starting over. A few people who know my situation try to ignore it. I don’t want to be with him now. I don’t take medication. I felt I was very tired and needed to rest. I told my friend I’m trying to get my health back. Then I’ll train my dragon from a distance. Perhaps people think I have too much ‘drama’ that gets in the way of their normal life. She thinks it’s funny. My tumors are all behaving themselves too. I have no control over my own life. My husband is the dragon.
Fatima Lasay, Quezon City
Tuesday, July 1, 2014