Now I am about to finish the final draft of a book of poetry. I read about Virginia Woolf. I read the letter she wrote to her husband before she drowned herself in the river. She said she kept hearing voices. I hear voices too, nearly all the time, sometimes I can’t sleep because of the voices. I asked my husband if it was alright. I’ve had the voices for a long time, eversince I was small. I asked my husband if it was alright that they were all my own voices. He said it was okay. They are all my own voices speaking for different people.
But looking at the book again, it is a very important personal project. My mom gave me some night cream. Earlier my sister and I bought some day cream. It’s funny, night and day. I have terrible skin because of stress. I also got sunburnt a lot because I often went out swimming in Bohol. I prefer to swim when it is bright and sunny, then I wouldn’t feel cold. I love the heat. I should get some sunblock if I would like to go out swimming again.
These are why I am exhausted. So we’re starting over. After all the past pains and accusations, my husband and I decided we’re starting over. We communicate by email and sms. I don’t want to be with him now. It’s too stressful. I told my friend I’m trying to get my health back. Then I’ll train my dragon from a distance. My friend likes that. She thinks it’s funny. It’s a good metaphor that people can easily understand. It’s not easy explaining my situation. My husband is the dragon.
Fatima Lasay, Quezon City
Tuesday, July 1, 2014